In the era of swipe rights and Instagram highlights, social media has irrevocably altered the landscape of modern dating. Dr. R.A. Vernon's “10 Rules Of Dating In The Social Media Age” promises to navigate these uncharted waters, from curated online personas to the gamification of romantic pursuit.
With a blend of research-backed advice and relatable anecdotes, this book seeks to equip readers with the tools to find authentic connections amidst the digital noise. But does it successfully thread the needle between embracing technology's role and preserving the essence of human courtship? This review will explore the strengths, weaknesses, and relevance of Vernon's proposed rules for the social media generation.
About the author: Dr. R. A. Vernon
Dr. R. A. Vernon is the founder and lead pastor of The Word Church in Cleveland, Ohio. He has co-founded the Vernon Family Foundation and R. A. Vernon Ministries, aimed at empowering people through education and community outreach. Additionally, he founded The Shepherds Connection, providing guidance and support to around 200 senior pastors and their spouses.
He has also authored a book titled “10 Rules of Dating: The Rules Have Changed,” focusing on dating in the age of social media. Dr. Vernon holds degrees in Theology and Practical Theology and a Doctor of Ministry degree focusing on church growth. He is married to Victory Vernon, and they have five children together.
Love Life Book Review by Matthew Hussey: How To Find The Right Relationship in 2024
Summary of the Book's: 10 Rules Of Dating
A friend recommended reading: “10 Rules of Dating in the Age of Social Media” by Dr. R.A. Vernon, who is also the pastor of The Word Church in Cleveland, OH – my home church. I finished reading it and have mixed feelings about Pastor Vernon. While I appreciate his work and ministry, I sometimes feel like he is overly optimistic. His messages seem to be directed towards women in the church, encouraging them to find a husband.
I read his first book a few years back and didn't find it convincing. I felt he was selling a dream that finding a man is solely based on following specific rules, which I believe is unrealistic. In my opinion, the challenges faced by Black women in finding a partner are influenced by socioeconomic factors beyond our control, which have contributed to the breakdown of the Black family.
Despite my initial concerns about Pastor Vernon's first book, I decided to give his latest work a chance. Here are my key insights and what I discovered about Christian dating in the digital era.
Rule 1: Physical Attraction Is Important
- I fully agree with this rule. I've observed women settling for someone they don't find physically attractive just because he's nice or stable. As we get older, we tend to prioritize stability over attraction, forgetting that physical attraction is also crucial. Pastor Vernon emphasizes the importance of being genuinely attracted to your partner and not feeling shallow for desiring someone who matches your preferences.
Rule 2: Shared Faith
- While the book emphasizes the importance of both partners sharing the same faith, I am open to dating someone from a different religious background. I respect other beliefs and am open-minded about my partner's faith. I'm open to a relationship as long as they don't force me to convert and respect my beliefs.
Rule 3: Compatibility and Connectivity
- It's vital to have common interests and shared activities with your partner. While differences are expected, having shared interests is crucial for a fulfilling relationship.
Rule 4: Understanding Each Other's Past
- Knowing about each other's backgrounds, including family origin, is essential for understanding your partner. This was an issue in my past relationship, as our differing upbringings challenged our understanding of life.
Rule 5: Discussing Parenthood
- Pastor Vernon emphasizes the importance of discussing topics like having children and the financial implications of blending families. These are indeed essential conversations that couples should have.
Rule 6: Talk About Money
- This rule challenges me. Pastor Vernon advises against marrying someone based on their future earning potential and encourages focusing on their current financial status. However, I respectfully disagree with this perspective. Money's value and presence can fluctuate significantly due to the ever-changing economy.
- Marrying someone with a stable job, good credit, and a house doesn't guarantee perpetual security. My experience of being laid off and struggling to find new employment has taught me how quickly one's financial status can change. Therefore, I believe it's essential to look at a person's effort and determination. Even if they aren't wealthy, observing their actions to improve their situation—like pursuing education or working additional jobs—is crucial. With effort, issues like credit and earning potential can be addressed and improved over time.
Rule 7: Pace Yourself/Slow Down:
- Pastor Vernon emphasizes taking it slow once you believe you've found “the one.” This advice is more accessible said than done. It's challenging to pump the brakes when you fall in love with someone, as emotions can overpower logic. I would love to hear suggestions on how to manage this better.
Rule 8: Engage and Disengage:
- This rule revolves around making a critical decision in the relationship: taking it to the next level or stepping back. In my previous relationship, after 2.5 years together, I felt ready to commit further. However, my partner did not share this readiness, leading me to choose disengagement.
Rule 9: Get Counselling:
- I firmly believe in the value of pre-marital counseling, especially given personal experiences and the likelihood that my partner might not have witnessed a healthy marriage model. Engaging a third party to address pre-marriage issues, I argue, paves the way for a stronger relationship in the future.
Rule 10: Don't Touch:
- Pastor Vernon's rule here prohibits pre-marital sex, reflecting the faith-based nature of his guidance. This rule is straightforward due to its basis in religious belief.
In conclusion, Pastor Vernon's book was genuinely insightful. His encouragement for women to share these guidelines with men stood out to me. While the rules themselves are beneficial, their impact is limited if only women are familiar with them, given the gender dynamics often observed in church congregations. I suggest that Pastor Vernon develop a companion book directed at men, educating them on how to become commendable husbands and fathers. A targeted approach might encourage more men to engage with these teachings.
[Get advice and Free ebooks] Where to Find a Single Man On the Pickleball Court in 2024
Overall assessment of the book's value
Is “10 Rules Of Dating: In The Social Media Age” worth reading?
The book has received overwhelmingly positive reviews on major platforms, indicating its value and relevance to readers. On Amazon.com, it boasts an impressive 4.7 out of 5 stars based on 281 ratings. Similarly, on Goodreads, the book maintains a solid 4.4 rating from 77 reviews.
What people say about the book
Who should read this book, and for whom is this book intended?
“10 Rules Of Dating: In The Social Media Age” primarily targets Christian individuals navigating the modern dating landscape, particularly those active on social media or online dating. However, the book's principles and insights can be valuable for anyone seeking practical advice on finding meaningful connections in an era where technology plays a significant role in relationships.
Final thoughts
Navigating Love in the Digital Era
The book outlines ten practical strategies for managing the intricacies of online dating, adherence to social media etiquette, and fostering genuine relationships. It underlines the significance of physical attraction, mutual values (emphasizing a shared faith in Christianity for those in Christian dating circles), and depth of compatibility beyond common interests.
Vernon explores the vital discussions couples must engage in early, including conversations about each other's histories, future desires for children, and financial conditions. He further advocates for a gradual progression in relationships, the importance of pre-marital counseling, and establishing robust boundaries, notably advocating for abstinence before marriage.
Vernon incorporates relatable stories and real-life examples and makes his advice practical and engaging. He addresses the specific challenges that modern daters, especially women within the church community, may face and provides insights on recognizing sincere intentions and steering clear of common traps.
“10 Rules Of Dating In The Social Media Age” seeks to provide a balanced approach to modern romance, integrating the conveniences of digital dating while preserving traditional values. It is a practical, faith-oriented guide for those searching for enduring Love in the digital age.
Ultimately, “10 Rules Of Dating In The Social Media Age” aims to balance embracing the realities of modern courtship and upholding traditional values. It is a practical and faith-based guide for those seeking lasting love in an era of digital connections.
Where to buy books, how much they cost
“10 Rules Of Dating: In The Social Media Age” is available in various formats, making it accessible to readers across different preferences. The paperback edition can be purchased on Amazon for $16.99, while the Kindle version is priced at $9.99. For those who prefer audiobooks, the Audible version is also available for $17.46 or free with an Audible trial membership.
Readers can conveniently purchase the book by following these links:
- Paperback: https://amzn.to/3VHYjKz
- Kindle: https://amzn.to/4clUxvV
FAQs:
Related Keywords:
Christian dating, online dating advice, social media dating, faith-based relationships, modern courtship, digital age dating, authentic connections, dating in the 21st century, dating red flags, online dating safety.
Hashtags:
#ChristianDating #SocialMediaDating #OnlineDatingAdvice #ModernCourtship #DigitalAgeDating #AuthenticConnections #DatingRedFlags #OnlineDatingSafety #FaithBasedRelationships #21stCenturyDating
